We spend so much of our lives gripped by the anxiety of the unknown. A lot of our time is also spent wishing things were different. Wishing we had rather said this or done that. Wishing he or she would rather say or do this or that. Wishing that we had chosen a different path in life. Wishing that we had more money. Wishing that things would be different… better. Wishing that maybe, someday, all will be okay.
In the moment of now, most of what is happening in our minds is about what should rather be or what could have been. So, ultimately, we miss what is or what we could be doing and experiencing now.
Our now becomes consumed with what wasn’t, was, isn’t, is, or could, should or must not be (according to us of course).
We claim we would do this or that, but not right now (maybe someday), because, at the moment:
…I am too tired
…I am too old
…I am too busy
…I don’t have the energy
…I don’t have the support
…I don’t have the resources
…I don’t have the time
…I don’t have the money
… don’t have…
I call this the maybe someday syndrome:
Longing for what appears to be the unattainable and feebly (or perhaps even boldly?) claiming that ‘maybe someday it will be better for me.’
At times we might look at others and wonder how they do or have it all. Do they have more time, a different clock perhaps that slows time down for them?
Yet, I remind myself that we all have the same 24 hours in a day. They’re not all filled the same way, and some of us have far fewer free minutes in them than others, but within whatever is ours, we still choose what to do. So, am I going to spend the evening or morning saying that I’m too tired and don’t have energy, or am I going to spend that time taking a walk, because hey, a walk will do me good on all levels – physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually – and doesn’t cost a cent either. Once I’ve taken the walk, I have more energy too, even if I didn’t have the energy to start off with. Once I’ve taken the walk, I come back with a bit more mental clarity too. Once I’ve taken the walk, some chemical changes occur that add to my happy feelings too. Walking instead of thinking about my tiredness is just one simple example, but it applies to so many other things too. How about, instead of another excuse about why I had to leave the office late, I choose to use my time to work on a project that I know will not only help me grow, exercise my creativity, or use my mind differently, but will be of service to others too. It’s a choice I make, and it’s a choice you get to make too.
But to simplify it before we overcomplicate where and how to start changing things, we must remember that it is the choice we are making for this moment right now. No need to beat ourselves up about all the choices we’ve made up until this point – the time is gone, the moments are past, there’s absolutely nothing we can do about what has already occurred.
It’s gone, and that’s okay. It’s brought us to where we are now, and now is where we get to choose what we do – now and only now – that’s it, that’s all. Everything that has ever happened, happened in a now, and everything that is still going to happen will happen in a now too.
There’s also no need for us to worry about everything that we no longer want to or need to or should be busy with. All we can focus on is what we’re busy with now. So, when each moment presents itself, it is simply a choice of, ‘what am I choosing to do now?’
Back to our maybe someday syndrome – quite often, when we are in our ‘I wish this or I wish that’ state, we couple it with the expectation of change happening overnight. Instant gratification is the name of the game. I’ve been there too. We want the fitness now, minus the work. We want our own business, but don’t move beyond the idea. We want to spend our time differently, but keep doing the same thing week in, week out. We complain about having no energy to do anything differently, but we want different results.
Not sure if you know this saying, but Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, in his 1841 essay Compensation, that “the law of nature is, do the thing, and you shall have the power; but they who do not the thing have not the power.” Quite simply put, do the thing and you will find the energy to do the thing!
I suppose we’re talking about multiple concepts here, but they all come down to a simple thing: making a choice to do something now (and only now, because that is all that we have) that aligns with what it is that we’ve been wanting to do, been putting off, been telling ourselves is easier said than done.
Remember, the journey doesn’t start at the destination (well, it starts with the destination in our minds yes, as the idea), but in reality, it starts with taking that first step, and then the next. Otherwise, all it remains is an idea, a thought amongst the millions of other thoughts in this maze of a mind and being that we’ve decorated with past impressions, future anxieties, and the remnants of the impact that the voices of everyone else left behind, even though they’ve moved on, even though it’s not happening now in this moment, yet we keep it alive within – crowding the space inside, so that taking this step right now seems and feels impossible.
And if you think it’s too late…
I once heard someone say that it would be a joke if someone fell in love and got married in their 40s or 50s. The general theme was, ‘what’s the point, it’s too late, they’ve lived their lives, they’ve had their time.’ Hey, if that person is still living until they’re 60, 70, 80, 90 years old, who are any of us to decide they shouldn’t have a meaningful relationship for the next 10, 20, 30, 40 or 50 years of their lives? Even if it was for the next day or week, who gave an expiration date on now?
What about the 70-something year old who has been retired from the active official workforce, so to speak, for a number of years, but whose mind is still fresh? The person who has been coaching others in their professional capacity their entire lives but has now retired. Is it too late to continue contributing to society? Is it too late to start the business they always dreamed of? Is it too late to write the book they know is inside of them? They could be sharp or sharper than anyone else around them for the next 5, 10, 15, 20, who knows, 30 years – what stops them from making the biggest contribution they’ve ever made in the time ahead of them? All it starts with is that single step now.
No one knows what the next split second holds – let alone the next year or decade. But if we are still here this time next year, what could we be doing between now and then, so that then is not the same as now – and is richer because we took that single step today?
So, what’s one thing on your maybe someday list? Take one small step towards it today. And if you’d like to, tell me about it – I’d love to hear.
It always seems a far way off
when we are reaching out into the future,
unaware of what the results will be.
But look back, and it seems like yesterday.
It is so easy to see how we arrived here
when looking back.